Who is Circus Living?

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I decided to dedicate this blog entry to Kiarra. Feeling less than inspired lately with all the work, chores, and the usual day-to-day stresses a working mother typically endures, I simply could not make myself sit down and write a thoughtful entry. And truthfully, I have not been able to write a thoughtful entry in a while...just the usual chatty here's what the kids are up to type of entries.
And when I am feeling uninspired, I also start to feel down in the dumps. Or perhaps I am uninspired because of my mood? Difficult to say. When I reflect on what causes my stress, it is not anything new - just the way I have handled my usual stresses have been less than ideal. I have been a defeatist and have been unable to channel back my usual optimism - though my optimism at times could have been construed as naive, it was at least motivating.
And then I saw a post on facebook stating that we should live in the moment, and I wondered what that even meant? How do people live in the moment without thinking about getting the laundry, cooking, paying the bills, and their other work related tasks done? And then I watch my pre-schooler, Kiarra, live her day to day life and realize I could learn a thing or two from her when it comes to taking life in stride.
First of all, Kiarra makes no apologies for who she is. She will take bacon from her older brother's plate in the mornings when he has not waken yet because she would reason that she was almost finished hers and Ronan had so much...therefore, it only made sense that she should be able to take some of his. Although I would not recommend stealing food from another's plate, I do like the way she matter-of-factly and forthrightly admits that she took her brother's bacon...she stood her ground and it made sense to her so she was more than ready to explain her rationale. Eventually, she does come to understand that it really is not being fair but I admire her for her blunt admonition and gutsy reasoning. There is no room for self-doubt with her - something I have yet to learn.
Kiarra has a very playful outlook on life. Her dad asks her to help him place some dirt in a pot and she does not stop there...she places the dirt on several pots (which were already filled with plants by the way), all over the deck, and all over herself. When dad found her, she was happily playing in the dirt. Needless to say, she got in trouble. I do wonder whose fault it was truly - the dad who thought a preschooler would be able to resist playing with dirt or the preschooler herself. Apparently, she has helped him successfully fill pots before minus the mess. She must have viewed it as 'work' this time around and decided to change it up and have more fun. It made me think perhaps there is a better way to approach my day to day tasks - maybe they do not always have to be such chores after all.
Kiarra is the epitome of spontaneity, and goes after what makes her happy. One day, she will want to wear her sandals, another day, her dress shoes...some days, she may not want to wear any shoes at all. On those days, we just bring her shoes along in the car in hopes that she will agree to eventually put them on once we have reached our destination. And when you let her make these miniscule decisions (what to wear, what to bring, how to brush her hair etc), her joy knows no bounds. She does what makes her happy and as long as she is not hurting anyone, we let her. Ultimately, Kiarra knows what makes her happy and honestly, how many of us can say the same about ourselves? When Randy asks me what I want to do if I was to get a 'day off'...in other words, what would I enjoy doing... My answer? I have no clue. To this day, I am undecided. 
Kiarra loves with unbridled fervor. Sometimes she hugs and kisses Seamus so much to the point that he protests in annoyance. She lovingly follows her big brother around even when he tells her to get lost. She follows me and Randy around constantly busily chatting away about what she is thinking that moment, her plans for the day, or what she did at school. She is always full of hugs and kisses...always. I have had to explain that sometimes people need some 'space' especially when she starts to annoy her two brothers. She simply brushes it off with an innocent defiance that is at once frustrating yet also refreshing. To her, it is important that she expresses her emotions and love to her family and friends whether they like it or not, lol. She is so full of love and passion that she simply cannot keep it bottled in. I wish I had half of her vigor. To approach life with such passion and emotion would be nothing short of inspiring.
My only hope is that she continues to be the firecracker that she is even when she has to reign herself in once in a while as she grows older. We place far too many restrictions on ourselves and too often it leaves us feeling lost and depleted. We crave for the next big thing that will motivate or ignite a spark in us that we end up neglecting the little things in life. Something as simple as a lady bug can awaken Kiarra's glee and creativity. I'd like to think that I too someday will be able to channel that child-like enthusiasm to carry me through my 'hump'. Maybe this weekend I will take a page or two out of Kiarra's book and steal some bacon, play in the dirt, hug and kiss to no end, and forget about my shoes.